Impossible task?
Unwanted engagement?
Scary threat?
Lost cause?
All of the above?
Another question we need to ask “is how do we survive if we don’t learn how to talk to one another?”. Have we become so deeply divided we can’t even acknowledge one another’s humanity?” Hatred must be resisted:
the hatred of women
of queers
of people of color
of immigrants
of change.
And we must resist our own hatred of those who wish for our demise.
Let’s start with recognizing that hatred is a ‘leading’ emotion of a much more vulnerable emotion of fear that is more difficult to tolerate. The question then becomes not ‘how do we challenge/fight their (and our own) hatred? but ‘how do we speak to their fears?’.
To answer this question means that we must, as Michelle reminded us, go high. We have have to be the better person in the conversation. We need to challenge and live with our own fears and find some small, even minuscule, ground on which to stand that opens us to compassion for the other.
I hear you screaming. We, too, are afraid. We, too, are angry about the disintegration of our national moral fiber, broken ideals, and trashed social advances. Why do we fricking have to be the better person? The answer is simple: because we can. And if we can, then it is our task and our call, to move our conversations about justice and change forward. We do this because we’re the ones for whom it matters. And hating the haters won’t get us there.
What gets us there is mending the fabric of society. Are you afraid you’ll lose your job? So are we. Are you afraid for your safety? So are we. To make it through, we must make it through together. So let’s not talk about programs, let’s talk about a human response to our shared concerns. Use our words to connect rather than disconnect.
The other night I heard a really good talk by Drew Westen, a preeminent doctor of psychology at Emory who wrote the book, The Political Brain.
https://www.amazon.com/Political-Brain-Emotion-Deciding-Nation/dp/1586485733
And while I won’t quote him here, his works speaks profoundly to the issue before us. So read it, please. But at least learn how to speak to another’s fear. If people are, indeed, wired differently- and early evidence points that way- then we must speak their language. Republicans have intently worked on messaging in a way that plays to fear in how they label and refer to different policies and people. It’s time for us to find words that reach across that created divide.
For example, if the term ‘Obamacare’ is used to play to people’s racism and fears of government intrusion then let’s not use it. Or ACA or anything that doesn’t lend itself to emotional responses. The suggestion Westen used was to say instead, ‘A family doctor for every family’.
It is time to think about how we can talk with our fellow citizens rather than participating in the divide that might surely destroy us. Go high. Even when it’s the hardest thing you have ever had to do.
Well said and inspiring… and so hard. I’ll check out the book before I attend the High school reunion!
Gadzooks.
Being kind to a lion will not ensure that you are not eaten.
I have regular conversations with both supporters and detractors of what I have become accustomed to calling the orange man. Those conversations are most often full of prepackaged bias-fueled half-truths from both sides of the aisle. Clarity is what is needed and it is shunned by almost everyone.
Humanity and humane treatment of everyone seems to be more divisive than the political rhetoric lobbed across the battlefield. It is far more about how we see and treat each other that has come to light than this petty political sideshow. Most of my biases are based on my perceptions of how folks treat each other…that may lead to a political chasm but it is based on a simpler equation…I just don’t like people anymore.