A personal share

I’m pretty sure most of you who read my blog know that I am a deep feeler. If you’ve spent any time on these pages or if you have read my memoir, you know I access a depth of emotions. Grief, rage, and often hope in times (so frequent these days)of trial. I also experience  the exhaustion of being overwhelmed by feelings. Then there are the moments I am ‘surprised by joy’ or enraptured by grace, but I have a heart that bears a lot of pain. Not complaining. It is a gift to be able feel deeply that sometimes requires more courage than I think I have.

By contrast, my boy Harry, lived in a state of joy. I lost him this week and it feels like I have lost my joy. He gave my heart balance. I could not live in relationship to such joy and not be pulled outside of myself when he invited me to share in even the smallest things. From toys, to walks, to gentle proximity.

In his younger days he would slip out the front door and race through the neighborhood with abandon, delighted that he marshaled every spare hand in the chase. There was no naughtiness only the joy of the chase, the game, and being so very alive.

Today I am bereft. My joy is buried with love and dignity in my back yard. I am grieving so hard. What is saving me is the gratitude I have for his beloved life. I pray I am able to find and carry the gift of joy he gave me as a tribute to his life well-lived and deeply loving.

36 thoughts on “A personal share

  1. Like our children, our pets are a part of our hearts that live outside our body. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you can take some relief on knowing what a blessing he was to your life and all the joy he gave you.

  2. Oh, Connie, I have felt that same grief. And even though counseling “best practices” teach us not to say, “I know how you feel,” in this case, I CAN say it. I DO know how you feel. It is heart wrenching. I never cried as hard at any funeral as I did when our little poodle, Joe-Joe, died. I sat in the parking lot of the vet’s office and I wailed. I mean, seriously WAILED. If that’s what you need to do, then feel free to do it. Our fur children reside in the depths of our hearts as deeply as our beloved humans. In a few weeks, after the sharpness of the pain goes down to a steady ache, I recommend Andrew Root’s book, The Grace Of Dogs. He teaches at a Lutheran seminary in Minnesota and his wife, Kara, is a Presbyterian minister. He wrote the book after their beloved Lab died and struggled theologically with the concept of “canine souls.” Meanwhile, I’m virtually pinning your name on my own prayer wall, invoking the spirit of soul-comfort to be with you. Also, sending virtual hugs. Jackie

  3. So sorry for your loss, which is, I’m sure, compounded during this time of isolation when his companionship was even more important. In the few times I have been around you in person, you also radiated joy, Connie. May you find that balance that your beloved pet helped provide as you move forward.

  4. It is not possible to assuage the grief brought on by the loss of a family member, even more so a pet. A source of undeserved devotion being lost is beyond comforting. Please know that we all share in your loss be association. We have all been there and may even be again and again but will never assign lesser value the experience. God Bless you as Godde Blesses you.

  5. I am so very sorry, Connie. Our furry family members are dear to us, and the grief that follows their deaths is wrenching.

  6. Connie, just beautiful… just how you and Harry we’re together. You both knew each other so well. Who knew which button to push for you and you him. I loved the joy of your togetherness. I will miss him meeting me at door with his toy… but I will try to remember the lesson he taught us.

  7. Oh, Connie, losing a beloved dog is heart wrenching and leaves such a hole. I grieve with you and am glad you had the years with him. Dogs make us better people. Hugs from Albuquerque.

  8. Oh sweet Connie – I’m so sorry to hear of this deep heart loss my friend – sending you so much love and desire for comfort

  9. As with all of those souls who are the most important to us, we will grieve them every bit as much as we loved them. You’re in my heart and my prayers, Connie.

  10. I’m sorry, Connie. I face this anticipated loss daily with my boy Cooper, whose body is aging quickly. I’ve/ suffered the loss of my beloved canine soul companion, and don’t feel prepared for the inevitable one ahead. You and Harry are in my heart.

    1. Thank you, Julia. You put it so well, Harry was my soul companion. There is no way to prepare. Blessings on the journey with Cooper. I hold you in my heart.

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