Why Is Not the Question

In times of crisis or grief or shattering defeat the first question people bring to me is, “Why?’ They are looking to find meaning in their experience. While I am willing to hold that question gently in our conversations, it is foreign  to me to ask, ‘Why?’ when we talk about meaning. And that’s what we are searching for with that question. What is the meaning here? Unfortunately, the ‘why’ question can be seductive and can lead us astray.
‘Why’ can  initiate  blame.
‘Why’ can confine Godde into an untenable box.
‘Why’ can expose our limitations and our prejudices.
‘Why’ can imply that, in the end, we control outcomes. (e.g. if we knew how to appease Godde these things wouldn’t happen).
‘Why’ can  open the door to hate. These days it’s the Chinese, the gays, the Dems.
‘Why” can point to all the places we feel powerless.

‘Why?’ is a great question for science, political critiques, and recipe failures. I just don’t think it can point us toward the deeper questions of our hearts and minds and souls. It isn’t a question that invites us to find deeper meaning in either the difficulties or the sheer joy of life. It’s not wrong or bad to ask why but perhaps  a different question can offer both meaning and hope.

A better question, I believe, is: “How?”
How do I want to respond from my deepest values?
How am I to live in these circumstances and with these challenges?
How can I be my best self when required to do difficult things?
How can I listen for and respond to my neighbors’ needs?
How do I live into my Christ-self while living with threat and fear?

These questions and more are the ones we need to ask as we walk together through this time.  Our answers will create the meaning we are searching for.

4 thoughts on “Why Is Not the Question

  1. Wow, Connie! That seems like a simple switch, from “why?” to “how?” It is not easy, though, because – as you point out – we want to believe we have some sense of control in perplexing situations. Thank you for this invitation to see things differently, by using a different question.

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